Clear in Your Head ≠ Clear in Theirs
My wife and I had a misunderstanding this week.
After more than 25 years together, you’d think we’d have each other fully figured out by now. We know each other’s quirks, tendencies, and shorthand.
And yet, we still missed each other’s meaning.
I bet you’ve had something similar with someone close in your life—a spouse, parent, sibling, or best friend. These are the people who know you best, and still, they don’t always know what’s in your head. They haven’t been part of every conversation you’ve had, and they don’t share all your assumptions.
Psychologists call those assumptions priors. We all interpret new information through our own priors—our experiences, mental models, and what’s just top of mind. My priors aren’t the same as my wife’s. Neither of us is right or wrong; we’re just connecting different dots.
If that can happen with the person closest to you, how can we possibly expect to communicate effectively with people at work?
Why Work Miscommunication Is the Norm
At work, we interact with people far less often than our closest relationships. They have even less context for what’s in our heads. What you say is always filtered through their priors:
Their role and incentives
Their past experiences with similar topics
Whatever else is competing for their attention
That’s why, “But I told them,” isn’t enough. It’s not about what you said. It’s about what they heard and how they interpreted it.
How to Close the Gap
Repeat what matters. If it’s important, don’t say it once and hope. Say it multiple times, in different contexts, until it sticks.
Make it two-way. Instead of “Any questions?”, try, “What’s your takeaway?” or “What would you do next based on this?” It reveals whether your message landed as intended.
Clarify context. Share enough background so others can connect the dots. They don’t know what you know unless you give them the pieces that matter.
Assume you weren’t perfectly clear. Build in follow-ups and feedback loops. Communication isn’t one-and-done; it’s an ongoing process.
If decades of marriage don’t prevent misunderstandings, you can bet workplace clarity won’t happen by default. Other people’s priors aren’t your priors. Clear communication takes intention—repetition, feedback, and context to make sure meaning travels all the way across.
